You ask how much I miss her?

You ask how much I miss her?

Let me tell you all the ways

For sure more than my fair share 

For certain more than it pays 

I miss her by the buckets 

By the dozen and in bulk

So much that I shoot rockets 

My feelings, strong, as the hulk 

I miss her in the morning

And the place she used to be

As Smeagol covets his ring

As the blind wish they could see 

I miss her brains and beauty 

Her gorgeous eyes and long hair 

As a pirate loves booty

I treasure her in my lair 

I miss her as my duty 

As a soldier his lost legs

I loved her waist and booty 

She was bacon to my eggs

I miss her religiously 

As a bishop worships Christ 

And through the night, secretly 

Like all good thieves do their heist 

I miss her each afternoon 

as a Hale misses the earth 

Like the son misses the moon

It's all true, for what is worth 

I miss her during late nights

When I study at my desk 

Whiles the dying of the lights 

At the end of this burlesque 

I miss her in deep sorrow 

Sweet and sad is my tune now 

Like there is no tomorrow 

Forgetting, I don't know how 

I miss her like she's gone far

& wish she came back to me

As if she'd stolen my car 

So very much so, you see.